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October 22, 2009

Your projected self.

Good mate Andy had this up on his blog this week, and it got me thinking. For the recap here are the actual words…

I wrote a few days ago about the witness. In that instance it referred to someone seeing an act that someone else performed. You are running down the road and a friend sees you. They witnessed the act of you running. So what? We are all familiar with this concept. Are you familiar with yourself as the witness to your own experience? Not your mind telling you, “I am running down the road” but your consciousness experiencing you running down the road. The later takes place in a space of No Mind. The moment you start thinking it is lost. It is not the experience of loosing time because you drifted off thinking about running in the energy lab in Kona. You come back and you have run a long way with no recollection of how you got there. Not that. That is just more of the same mind dominated insanity. The mental chatter has not stopped. What I am writing about is the height of presence without the mental noise. It may not sound like a big deal but it is. It is the gateway to knowing. The witness is the real you below the layers of ego and self delusion. If you experience this state of being through meditation (running can be that) you likely realize three things.

* the mind is constantly active like an excited puppy jumping all over the place
* there are moments of stillness
* there is something else there, a witness

The third point can be the start of awakening. If something else is there are there now two of me? Only one can be real so one must be a delusion. Here is a hint. The one that must have the latest pair of cool shoes, or car or gets angry, hurt and resentful, that one is not real. You made him / her up. The other one is the real you. The witness that you do not control or make up stories about. That is your real SELF. Endless compassion, love and understanding. Sure sounds better then that imposteur you keep introducing to other people.

In the Matrix movie, Morpheus mentioned when they were back in the matrix, that they look different because this was their projected self vision of what they should look like. It was totally different to what they looked like in the real world.

I think Andy was touching on this, about the stories we spin to please others. Cape Town is not quite as bad, depending on where you hang out, but I actually have some mates who I have no idea of what they do 9-5, even if I speak to them in those times. Its not that important to me.

I had the terrible habit of telling people all sorts of whack crazy ideas of what I did for a living if it came up upon meeting them, and even had the habit of walking away from people if it was the first question they asked. Bit short sighted as I wasn’t responsible for their behaviour, but I was still at the beginning stages of really accepting people as they are.

Often I was a professional jukskei athlete or a Disposable Lighter Refuelman, or even, on occasion, I would say that I do nothing, and didn’t care to be doing anything anytime soon.

The idea of a projected self i.e. the image you put out in the world, vs the one you see when only you look at yourself in the mirror, can be two totally different people, as Andy mentioned in his post. The goal for me is to be just that one guy, the same, simple guy who feels like he is weightless from time to time, floating along in absolute awe of the amazing spaces I roam in. The guy who gives without asking anything in return because he does it out of pure love, without consequence or expectation.

Its always interesting to see how people slave after material things. After reading Andy’s post yesterday, I put some pictures of a BMW Prototype up on my Posterous account, and got huge response out of it, from this material thing, that all these people were foaming at the mouth over.

I decided to take my tummy bug out for a run a little later, and as I was floating around the new golf course at the new stadium here for our 2010 World Cup, I had totally forgotten such a car even existed. I was purely in awe that although physically I was hurting a little, I was able to have my best run of the year so far, and it went by in a flash, 90min of it. I slept like a baby and today woke to the most amazing day in Cape Town.

I am going to hug a few strangers today….

One Comment on “Your projected self.

Michael Langham
October 22, 2009 at 4:47 pm

This is my second read of the out-pouring of your ‘self’.

This time, I’ll say thanks for the moments in time spent here, and for the opportunity to have found your blog.

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