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February 2, 2010

The problems with responsibility

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I have had a bit of an arb day. I guess that my weekend of excess (2 races in one day, travel, langarm in Langebaan till 4am) is paying out bad dividends. Only my fault, isn’t it. Not that I have any regrets.

I managed to take roughly 6 minutes off on the same course as we did in the first week of December. Progress where I was hesitant is a great thing. We then took out, for fun, the 3 man teams in the super sprint relay. That just felt good, albeit super painful at the time.

This on 6 hours sleep, after a long week and a nice drive up the west coast. I then topped it off my having a few local brews and dancing till 4am without a wink’s sleep. The Bar-One men on SABC3 can eat their hearts out.

This did take my deep fatigue to a new level though, and I slept quite a bit on Sunday into Monday, but am really paying the price today. Our morning ride was not quite the quality it normally is, and I had to sleep over lunch today, as I am just tired.

Last night I also had sweet cravings. Never a good sign. Always a sign that I am pushing it a little. Eating, sleeping & exercise habits are the first things to do when I am overdoing it (in that order). But least there is quite an easy equation that precedes the bad habits:

It goes something like this.

1. I am responsible for how I feel right now.
2. My decisions are mine and I am in full control of them.
3. When I make bad decisions based on a lax attitude towards being responsible for myself, cravings come.

Being responsible for myself was quite a revelation for me. Everything is so easy in this world. Access to crap is everywhere. Look around you – fast food, credit, wonder make-up to hide bad habits, products to make you thin for a while (but which ruin your body’s internal systems), instant love, etc are all crap.

Gordo always says “There is no easy way” and my synopsis of what he means is that for you to be responsible for your body, your mind, you heart and your soul, the quick, easy decision is not the one which gets you there.

Once you have gone the route to eat “clean” it’s hard to go back to feeling bloated and tired, but you would never have known the difference if you just continued to do it.

When I started ME intervals people laughed at how silly they looked. I was doubting them as they really hurt, and really made me tired. Now, looking back, for roughly 6 months of focussed work, I could have made the change 5 years ago when I first heard of them. I tried it then, but it was too “hard” for me then.

What stimulus do you know about that you are not applying because its too “hard” ?

Everything seems hard right now, but when you look back you are generally quite stoked about it. Some of these for me:

1. Letting go of my ego as much as possible made me a human being instead of a human doing. I became real. I was open to much more real emotion but the world was a more colorful place. The cold hearted machine was gone.

2. Changing my diet to eating real food. I reckon 100% more energy, 8-9kg less body weight. Amazing not only for that but because I picked up smell, taste, I learnt to love to cook and I eat more than I did before.

3. ME intervals on the bike. The sole reason I am able to do what I can now on the bike. It helps that I am 8-9kg lighter as well, but I am far more powerful out there. My run has improved as a result as well.

4. De-cluttering my mind. I used to think ALL the time. I couldn’t switch off. I was chasing money, fame, prowess, popularity. It consumed me. I broke down. I sold just about everything I owned. I started living more of a minimal life. I now sleep within 5 minutes of getting into my bed. I now have space in my mind for me, for friends, for loved ones. For life.

Responsibility is not always easy, and going back from where it takes you is not always a great place, but the choice is yours.

Right here.

Right now.

One Comment on “The problems with responsibility

blade
February 3, 2010 at 11:41 am

EGO comes in the way of a lot of opportunities to learn and grow.

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