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July 4, 2011

Expectancy versus Expectation

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I have had a big month dealing with expectations. I am going through mid-year planning and this time, have taken a really long term view on where I was 3 years ago and where I want to be in 3 years time. I realize there are a lot of big decisions to make in 3 years looking forward and want to make sure my thought processes and base processes are set in the right way so that I can build the foundation on top of it to achieve these goals.

I am a believer in expectancy and trying to get rid of expectation. There is a key difference between the two.

Expectation sets you up for being surprised and excited and expectation seems to always set me up for disappointment. Lessons, lessons.

How much of your stress, frustration, disappointment, anger, irritation, pissed-offedness comes from one little thing?
Almost all of it comes from your expectations, and when things (inevitably) don’t turn out as we expect, from wishing things were different.
We build these expectations in our heads of what other people should do, what our lives should be like, how other drivers should behave … and yet it’s all fantasy. It’s not real.

Yet with expectancy, you are able to let people surprise you by what they did rather than what you expected of them.

When reality doesn’t meet our fantasy, we wish the world were different.

A key differentiator in my daily happiness is this differentiation.

What’s a life without expectations like? It means you accept reality as it is, and people as they are, without expectations, without trying to force people into the containers you have for them, seeing things as they are. It’s a life where you don’t need to be disappointed or frustrated or angry — or if you are, you accept it, and then let it go.

You should have an expectancy that good things will happen and that people will do their best for you. Always make sure people are doing their best for you. My dad always says that no matter how low you set your expectations, people will still disappoint you… so have an expectancy of greatness from them and let them know that.

They will try harder without you having to worry about it throughout the process.

That’s not to say you never act — you can act in a way that’s in accordance with your values, and influence the world, but never have an expectation of how the world will react to your actions.
If you do something good, you won’t expect praise or appreciation. Let those expectations of reward and praise float away with the waves. Do good because you love doing good, and expect nothing beyond that.

Pay attention to your thoughts. Don’t beat yourself up if you have expectations. Just see them. Then make sure you let them slowly disappear. Just sit there and breathe deeply and quietly imagine them leaving your life for good until they are but a distant memory.

Notice if you start to wish things weren’t the way they are. If you wish someone else didn’t do something, notice that. You have expectations, and you wish people or the world could have met them instead of doing what they actually did. Get those out of your life too. Now accept things, and move on.

Particularly effective for me is taking these expectations out onto a run or a ride or into the pool with me and making sure that with every cycle, breathe and movement I am releasing it to the world, replacing it for energy. I am always a better person after a session like this.

Make sure you get out there and give yourself the opportunity to swap your expectations for expectancy of awesomeness.

2 Comments on “Expectancy versus Expectation

Vannessa
July 4, 2011 at 1:57 pm

Soooooooo true!!!!!!!!!!

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sasha
July 5, 2011 at 2:54 pm

OMG!!! did you see my FB post this morn???

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